we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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