I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
