TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
