38 yer olds are good kisserssss
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
