how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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