Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
