You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
