you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
