textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
