I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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