you guys were way drunker than both of me
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
