I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
