I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
