Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
