Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
