Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
