I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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