so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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