Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
