what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The uberlube is also flammable
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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