Welp...herpes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
