I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
