god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize