Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
