Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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