He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Houston, we have a squirter
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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