i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You are a genius and a whore.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
