Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
