We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
