you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
