The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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