She went from zero to smokin in five shots
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
time to smoke my breakfast
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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