yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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