Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
