after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
