This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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