he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
