Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize