the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's rum buckets o'clock
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
