he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
