Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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