Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We had sex on a dog bed..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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