ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize