wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
