Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
