I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
