if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
