My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
