At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
