He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
