Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
