Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
