someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
