I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
