You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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