Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
