In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
