well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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