I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
