he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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