I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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