Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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