for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize