some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
