I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize