New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
