Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
