I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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