Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
