Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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