It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
