A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
