i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
