I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
