She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize